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    Sunday, March 22nd, 2009
    1:19 pm
    its not right but its okay..
    Was it really worth you going out like that
    See I'm moving on
    And I refuse to turn back
    See all of this time
    I thought I had somebody down for me
    It turns out
    You were making a fool of mee



    lol this whitney houston song is about me ha ha ha
    Saturday, February 7th, 2009
    2:51 pm
    Japanese Gum-Her space holiday
    It's not like I'm a slut
    Or that I really like to fuck
    I just want every boy I see
    To walk away with part of me
    Until there's nothing left to hold
    Until there's nothing left to hate
    I appreciate your help
    But even you can't save me from myself
    Monday, January 26th, 2009
    12:56 pm
    This was me last year... totally.
    I never knew
    I never knew that everything was falling through
    That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue...
    To turn and run when all I needed was the truth.


    And suddenly I become a part of your past
    Becoming the part that don't last
    I'm losing you and it's effortless.




    Everyone knows I'm in over my head.

    over my head.
    Sunday, January 11th, 2009
    9:50 am
    Today
    is not special at all.
    neither are you.
    one step closer to you dead.
    and that no longer bothers me.
    Monday, September 22nd, 2008
    1:01 am
    WOMAN -Nikki Giovanni
    she wanted to be a blade
    of grass amid the fields
    but he wouldn't agree
    to be the dandelion

    she wanted to be a robin singing
    through the leaves
    but he refused to be
    her tree

    she spun herself into a web
    and looking for a place to rest
    turned to him
    but he stood straight
    declining to be her corner

    she tried to be a book
    but he wouldn't read

    she turned herself into a bulb
    but he wouldn't let her grow

    she decided to become
    a woman
    and though he still refused
    to be a man
    she decided it was all
    right
    Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008
    3:48 pm
    3:47 pm
    S.O.S
    Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find
    I tried to reach for you, but you have closed your mind
    Whatever happened to our love?
    I wish I understood
    It used to be so nice, it used to be so good
    Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008
    7:37 am
    2 days
    in 2 days...
    see you again.
    weird. very weird.

    Got some questions hopefully the answers are there.
    Sunday, July 13th, 2008
    12:36 pm
    come home :(
    This just summed up how I was feeling earlier in the year..


    Verse 1]
    Hello, world, hope you're listening
    Forgive me if I`m young or speaking out of turn
    But there`s someone that I`ve been missin'
    And I think that they could be the better half of me
    They`re in the wrong place, tryin' to make it right
    And I`m tired of justifying, so I say to you...

    [Chorus]
    "Come home, come home
    'Cause I`ve been waiting for ya, for so long, for so long
    And right now there's a war between the vanities
    But all I see is you and me
    The fight for you is all I`ve ever known
    So come home"

    [Verse 2]
    I get lost in the beauty
    Of everything I see, the world ain`t half as bad as they paint it to be
    If all the sons, all the daughters, stop to take it in
    Hopefully, the hate subsides, and the love can begin
    It might start now, or maybe I`m just dreamin' out loud, but until then

    [Chorus]
    "Come home, come home
    'Cause I`ve been waiting for ya, for so long, for so long
    And right now there's a war between the vanities
    But all I see is you and me
    The fight for you is all I`ve ever known (ever known)
    So come home"

    [Interlude]
    Everything I can`t be, is everything you should be
    And that`s why I need you here
    Everything i can`t be, is everything you should be
    And that`s why I need you here
    So hear this now

    [Chorus]
    "Come home, come home
    'Cause I`ve been waiting for ya, for so long, for so long
    And right now there's a war between the vanities
    But all I see is you and me
    The fight for you is all I`ve ever known (ever known)
    So come home
    Come Home"
    Monday, June 9th, 2008
    5:36 pm
    dont you realise that I love you?
    it kills me to talk to you because you dont care about me at all? you talk to me like im just some person. no one. nothing.
    You dont even miss me enough to WANT to see me after being away.

    it kills me.
    Saturday, May 17th, 2008
    2:42 pm
    Stress
    Alot of things happening with me
    my life feels so surreal in both good and bad ways
    I keep getting good news and bad news simultaineously
    I just want to prove myself...
    I know Im worth it.

    Lately Ive been stressing out and clenching my jaw when I sleep. I wake up in pain.
    But now Ive been doing it not realising it right away just..any time during the day
    just a constant clench release clench release...thing.

    I feel like I may break.
    I dont know what to do..
    sometimes I just feel like giving up.. but I cant do that just yet.
    Im going to fight for what I think is right... what I think could be.
    even if the other person doesnt see it yet.. they may. And that slight chance keeps me slightly happy.
    photos of them looking wonderful.
    *sigh* I just want to see them in person.

    okay. that is a lie. I want more than that. I want to touch their skin and hug them and listen to their heart beating. Listen to them inhale...feeling their chest rise and lower.
    I want that.
    That.
    One person.

    Picked for a contest out of ..how many people? really?
    Its a great opportunity. I want to share it with themmmm. They are important and supported and helped me get to this point. Dont they see..
    I dont have others to go with me tho. Realisticly there isnt another who Id want to go there with. Who else would I trust? who else would I enjoy being with. Who else would I want to try so hard for. Them going would just make me want to try my best. Even not as my model...
    even if they just went. If they went Id feel like I could win it.
    I want to show them they're THAT important to me.
    maybe they dont realise.
    worst off- maybe they do..and still..

    Tension.
    even while writing this. JEEZ.

    Poor father. Hurt. Feeling hurt inside too.
    Frigg.. I honestly dont think you deserve this. You were finally being happy. You seemed proud of yourself..
    frigg.
    Dont let this get you too down. You get low so easily..

    Working today.. I cant focus.
    tears. blah.
    4-10.. I cant go there and forget about all of this. It still buzzes in my head and ears. I cannot focus.

    Theres still a chance. I feel it. I wouldnt be so sure of it if not. I feel loved still..
    somehow. I do.
    You're either hiding it or trying to forget the feeling.
    Maybe?..

    This new me wants to start with the new you.
    You say you're different. Then I want to get to know that different person!!!! Please.
    Fine if everything is over and done then.
    Nice to meet you.. my name is..
    Start new. totally.
    Start.. like just the start. and see.
    And if its not good then FINE.
    but I bet it would be..... Id so bet on it.


    okay enough of this! mope mope mope.
    I have to get ready to go.

    *****sorry these posts are friends only!
    Tuesday, May 13th, 2008
    12:22 pm
    finally
    its taken SO long..but its finally here
    the day he heads back

    I hope I get to talk to him before he leaves tho :(
    Thursday, May 1st, 2008
    12:29 pm
    Idiots don't get ice cream ;)
    " You seem very intelligent when you talk, like level headed.
    I'm not used to it"


    re-reading it here without context it may look like to you other ppls a backhanded compliment. Its not.
    really this is one of the nicest things ever said about me!
    Wednesday, April 30th, 2008
    9:18 pm
    songs stuck in my head
    I'm coming home again.
    Do you think about me now and then?
    Do you think about me now and then?
    Cause I'm coming home again
    I'm in home again.
    Do you think about me now and then?
    Do you think about me now and then?
    Oh, now I'm coming home again

    Maybe we can start again.

    .
    .
    .
    .
    Maybe we can start again.
    Tuesday, April 29th, 2008
    5:37 pm
    wtf
    wtf is wrong with me
    I keep messing things up worse. Its like Im in the wizard of oz and Im the scarecrow

    and incause youve never seen that movie lemme let you guess which "part" he's missing..

    the brain.
    Monday, March 17th, 2008
    11:50 pm
    Without you- Blake Lewis
    Girl you could explain for a thousand days
    But I'll never work out why we're throwing it all away
    You say you're still in love, you just need more space
    I don't have the strength to leave you but I don't wanna wait

    I'm not trying to bring you down
    I'm only calling you because
    I thought you should know

    (Chorus)
    I can't get used to life without you
    Close my eyes, see your face
    And nothing seems to ease the pain
    And I just can't get through these nights without you
    Close my eyes, see your face
    I only have myself to blame

    Girl lying alone I feel out of place
    It's all that I can do to get up and turn the page
    Every spin of the hands is a thousand days
    The things I left unsaid, pushed you so far away

    I'm not trying to bring you down
    I'm only calling you because
    I thought you should know

    (Chorus)

    I can't wait, there's no more time
    I'm getting lost inside my mind
    And it's easy to see that I
    Let you slip right through my hands
    I can't believe that it's over
    I wanna open my eyes and see you here

    Can't get used to life without you
    Close my eyes, see your face
    I'll only have myself to blame

    Can't get used to life without you
    Close my eyes, see your face
    And nothing seems to ease the pain
    And I just can't get through these nights without you
    Close my eyes, see your face
    I only have myself to blame

    You're all I need to survive
    You're all I need to get by
    You're all I need to survive
    You're all I need to get by
    Thursday, February 28th, 2008
    1:55 pm
    1:48 pm
    Monday, July 16th, 2007
    11:35 pm
    Futurama
    Okay, so tonight Im watching Futurama and its an episode about Fry and a dog he used to own and how he wanted to clone him
    And at the end he descides to not clone the dog because the dog had died when it was 15. And Fry only had him til the dog was three so he was like "the dog moved on and was happy with someone else blah blah"
    And then it flashes back to the dog just waiting out side for Fry like all these different seasons and weather until it dies..and I seriously bawled my eyes out
    Wtf...
    seriously.
    Im still like upset by it
    Friday, April 27th, 2007
    4:37 pm
    Pirate name quizz
    Pirates Arrrrrr Cool-->So Whats Your Pirate Name? (For guys and girls)" - Results:
    Girl Name:Tax-Evadin' Sandy Dread
    Guy Name:Tax-Evadin' Sam Dread

    Your Traits:
    Sea:South Atlantic
    Color:Yellow
    Hair:Almost White
    Eyes:Gold
    Continent: South America
    Country: Brazil
    Pet:Cat
    Type of Pirrate:Nice, You help people when they need it. But still get lots of gold.
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